Greetings Hockey Fans!!!
Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the puck is so delightful, there isn’t no place to go, so turn on the Blackhawks game eh!!!
Hockey New Year Friend's, Neighbors, Fellow Puckhead Alumni and Hockey Fanatical Countrymen ( and ice girls too eh )! Grab a hot-dog and strap Grampa to the Zamboni cuz this years TOONS ON-ICE Hockey Invasion has hit the ice! It’s a silly skating party even Keith Richard's couldn't survive! (And he’s been on everything but skates ) The Hockey Granny is so excited about Ref Hunting Season this year, she just fell out of her tree stand, dropped her hot-dog and swallowed her teeth!!!
Paris Hilton was originally elected honorary New Years Eve countdown person but was fired because she couldn't count down to one as a giant ball drops. “Five, um... two no... Five, four, two, um... “Hey, this is F*@#% stupid”?!? So The Hockey Granny got mad and cross checked her with her giant frying pan! ( For deadly speed and accuracy, Granny has gone back to the old school iron skillet ).
So what's your New Years Resolution this year? Did you wish for better health? A new life? To stop eating little chocolate doughnuts for breakfast? Or did you wish for something more less realistic like winning the lottery or to quit smoking cigarettes in-between skating shifts! Well you better not slack, and you better not cry, you better not be a Puck Hog cuz Coach Mom will bust you in the eye! Let us all be blessed by the Hockey Gods that there is Puck On-Earth and millions of homeless hot dogs with extra mustard and relish that need a good home. One things for sure, if Dads stomach was a residential neighborhood, it would be lined with condominiums of Junk Food surrounded by lush rivers of condiments, cold coffee and Coaches
Cholesterol. And a jumbo hot-dog would be parked in every driveway!
So What's New ON-ICE eh? Will NHL ice hockey ever be as popular as Mexicans crashing the US border on CNN?!? Will Gene Simmons grow a hockey mullet and breathe fire on Motley Crue??? Will Mom’s 1972 Ted Nugent blue Ford Mini Van ever be enducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame??? Will Cousin Eb trade his John Deere lawn mower for Predators Hockey Tickets??? If every dog has it’s day, than why doesn't every ref have his glasses??? Will ice girls all eventually become raging Hockey Moms with PMS??? Will a Wild Canadian Moose ever replace a national anthem singer??? Will grampas nacho chili farts ever make NBC hockey highlights!?! Will Barry Melrose’s hair inspire a new young hockey hair prodigy??? Is the next best thing to hockey, a round of tasty game hot-dogs with extra mustard, relish and onions??? Will hockey referee’s ever sign Lens Crafters endorsements??? Will Coach Dad ever book that Hooter’s Hawaiian Hockey Vacation he’s always dreamed of??? And will an Arizona Hockey Mom beat the crap out of Ryan Seacrest with her cowbell and become the next new American Idol!?! We can only hope and dream!
Like The Hockey Granny always says, the smaller the ball the higher the IQ sonny boy! And like Grampa always says, the only thing more exciting than watching ice hockey, would be bowling Carmen Elecktra and Jessica Simpson!
Now go lace em’ up and hit the ice eh!
MERRY CHRISTMAS & HOCKEY NEW YEAR!
NEW TOONS ON-ICE FEATURE DEPT...
Wet your whistle and hit the ice for a daily dose of ON-ICE hockey humor exploring the whackier side of puck! Learn the ABC’s of Hockey and polish up your funnybone on our #1 rated top 10 list. If visual arts are solice for the soul, then the TOONS ON-ICE Feature Dept. will make you smile bigger than a round of tasty game hot-dogs! Skate by the TOONS Feature Dept!
