TOONS ON-ICE Hockey Feature Dept.
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If they make a spray for annoying mosquitos, why don't they make a bug spray for ice hockey referees?
Presenting the Top 10 Reasons not to catch the Ref Nile Virus! |
Doctor Pepper drum role please...
10. You'll break out in black and white stripes...
9. Bing Crosby will call and want his silly old hat back...
8. You'll start hanging out @ the disco...
7. You'll say things you really don't mean..
6. You'll eventually mess up a good game...
5. You'll begin to crave Twinkies...
4. The medicine taste like a goalies glove...
3. Hockey Moms will make silly faces at you...
2.The health department will take away your skates...
1. You'll go blind!
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Do sharks prefer Ref's with or without mustard? If nautical nonsense be something you wish, all a shark needs is some cool waves, a small crowd and some ketchup!
Presenting the Top 10 reasons to caution taking a Ref ocean surfing! |
Dude drum role please...
10. They cant go anywhere without their Barney Float...
9. Spongebob claims it's more entertaining than ESPN poker...
8. They get tar balls in their whistle...
7. B.P said it was O.K...
6. Surfing keeps them from calling a penalty...
5. Tell him you'll get him a Crabby Patty...
4. No one will give them CPR...
3. Beach will close due to Speedo attack...
2. Shamu will think its hockey season...
1. Jaws!
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"O.K Hockey Momma Baby, Ah' one for the money, and two for the show, three to get ready, now go cat go!" Old Refs never die they just move to Vegas!
The Top 10 reasons Ice Hockey Refs should not be on Americas got Talent! |
Criss Angel drum role please...
10. The 99 cent all you can eat hot-dog buffet would always be sold-out...
9. Their act would always have food...
8. Their show opening theme song would be "Beat it"...
7. Ice Officials love Fat Elvis...
6. Pawn Stars on A&E said old whistles are not worth anything...
5. Headlinesmen dance like MC Hammer...
4. Viva Ref Mania would creep the country...
3. They can only make people appear in the box ...
2. There would be a popcorn machine in every casino...
1. Vegas is not ready for the Ref Pack!
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The largest game a Ref could take down would be a fast food drive thru! If your next meal depended on an Ice Hockey Referee's hunting expertise, you're most likely to end up starving or getting eaten by wild animals in search of Burger King somewhere in the Amazon!
Top 10 Reasons to never go Safari Hunting with an Ice Hockey Referee! |
Cannibal drum role please...
10. The Tigers can smell their Walmart after shave coming...
9. Black and white stripes are not good jungle camouflage...
8. Tarzan will think a Zebra is lost...
7. Never trust a blind person...
6. Their whistle will scare the elephants...
5. You’ll be farting around the camp fire...
4. A Ref can’t out run a Rhino without dropping his hot-dog...
3. There’s not enough doughnuts for Ref’s to migrate there...
2. They think quick-sand is a red-neck hot tub...
1. The Ref’s are worse than the flies!!!
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When you go into a Kripsy Kreme doughnut shop, does an Ice Hockey Referee Convention break out? Is Fenton "Whistle Boy" Refworm really America's Most Wanted person ON-ICE?
We present the top 10 ways corner an Ice Hockey Referee! |
Batman drum roll please...
10. Take away his Barbie dolls...
9. Loosely tie him to the tallest roller coaster at Six Flags...
8. Make him sit through The Mighty Ducks movie 500 times until he surrenders...
7. Air mail him to the North Pole in a box marked American Farter...
6. Trade his hockey ticket into a train ticket...
5. Don't let him audtion for Glee...
4. Erase his Ted Nugent cassettes...
3. Set him up on a blind date with an eye doctor...
2. Drop him off a bridge like George Baily...
1. Tell him McDonald's is closed!
